Demystifying GAALI

PS: Written way back in my engineering days, one of my favorite posts during those times..Unfortunately, I have stopped speaking gaalis. That old Venky remains etched in these digital memories...

When I came to college I never knew that there was a word named ‘gaali’. I didn’t know hindi before landing at Surat. I learned hindi only after coming to the college. I had heard of ‘thaali’. I had seen it in menus of restaurants. But I had never come across this new word gaali. Later some blessed taught me this eternal word. My first acquaintance to the world of gaali came during my stay in my hostel Bhabha Bhavan. Few guys were bantering down in the corridors. I was walking along casually. Eager to seek soulful ablutions in the wave of camaraderie gushing down, I went near them to join them. They were discussing about a gal.A dear friend who didnt want his name to be included was also one among them. He rounded his lips to resemble a foot ball and threw a word beginning with CH in hindi… (If any soul reading this cannot identify this word, seriously I can’t help it.). This word struck its abracadabra on me. I caught that word in the volley of words in such deft fashion that it would turn Jonty Rhodes whiter. I quickly interrupted him and asked him what it was. Amused by my ignorance he told me what it meant..(Now do I need to mention what it really means??...I really don’t think so...) Gradually every other guy in college taught me new gaalis everyday. During those days I had pangs of conscience while I uttered every other word of gaali. I felt the torturing pain of my soul smitten by the moral fibres. The pain reduced drastically as I attained enlightenment. 

My aim through this post is to spread this enlightenment to every other gaali speaking soul in this universe. Yes universe is the right word because next to love, I believe gaali is the most ubiquitous phenomenon in this world. It is present in every language. People all over the world speak it everyday. Who knows? Even those aliens who live in farther worlds might have some gaali signals mixed with every incoming and outgoing signals of communication. One day NASA might squander hard-earned money of US citizens (or should I say developing nations’ citizens) to create a satellite that would find evidences of gaali signals used by Martians. If one person in my college deserves credit for making gaali so romantic and passionate to me, then it has to be Nilabh Nischchal.

It is a pleasure to hear gaali serenading in his mouth. He plays gaali in his intonation and style that it would sound like a waltz composed by Johann Strauss. It was of such high intensity and passion that very often it would deafen the other words to my ears. Those extra words would seem like molasses coming along with the juice. I often used to go near him to listen to him and devour my hungry soul with that sweet nectar. Later during my third year I delved deep in the spirit of gaali to understand its true existence. To explain its true identity in simple terms, I am taking help from Bollywood. The spirit of Gaali is very much akin to that of Raj kapoor in the movie Mera Naam Joker. He entertains the people while he is crying in his heart. Gaali plays an invisible role in our social lives making our lives more fun and joyous, while throwing eggs in its own face. People and especially gals ask this question frequently “Why do guys use such bad words?” Well this question might have been fired to the guy . But these questions touch the bedrock of the spirit of gaali. These kinda questions question the existence of the soul of gaalidom. However insurmountable est thy gaali spirit and it still lives in the mouth of millions. I did a small thought experiment to corroborate my findings.

I socialized with a new acquaintance of mine using plain words like “Hi…How are you? Howz life” and observed his reactions. He found me boring and dull. After a week, I socialized with him with the spirit of gaalidom. Everytime whenever I met him in the corridor, I used to greet him with a warm smile sayin, “Hey M****F**** how are u ?” “How are you a***ole?” . This time the results were amazing. I found him very enthusiastic whenever he met me and I was taken aback by the easiness by which I could gel with him. I felt overwhelmed after thoroughly analyzing the results. People gel in easily when gaali is used often during socializing. Of course there might be few perverted souls(or as the society likes to call them ‘noble souls’) who wouldn’t like talking these words of shit and therefore would never socialize with such words. Here Exceptions are considered unnecessary under the scope of investigation. So next time when you speak a gaali make sure that you suck every droplet of honey lying hidden in those words. Yeah of course do watch out !! You cant expect the whole universe to be as enlightened as you and me are..!! If possible try to enlighten him, otherwise throw yet another gaali at that ignorant soul who cannot understand this great spirit of gaali!